


Please Don't Leave Me, I'm not Ready to be Alone

by InkOfPassion



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Grief, Not Really Incest, Overdose, Pseudo-Incest, Vanya needs a hug, angsty, ben needs a hug, i feel bad, if you no likey get off my pagey, this is angst, vanya and ben
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:42:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26540845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InkOfPassion/pseuds/InkOfPassion
Summary: When Ben dies, everybody is sad.But Vanya is the saddest.
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves | Vanya Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves/Vanya Hargreeves
Comments: 3
Kudos: 35





	Please Don't Leave Me, I'm not Ready to be Alone

"It's not your fault," She tried to say. She wasn't sure who she was saying it to, but she hoped whoever was listening had something nicer to say on a day like this, where the rain cried with her and her heart caved at the loss. 

"How would you know, Vanya?" Diego spat. "You weren't even there!"

Ouch.

But no matter how much it hurt, no matter how much it teased her temper and the retort she'd never say, she said nothing and did nothing. Maybe Five would, strong, arrogant Five who'd run away three years ago. She still left the lights on for him. She still made him his sandwich.

It was always left for the flies.

So then, without him to say what she couldn't, she would go to ben. Sweet, kind Ben who'd hold her hand as they read and listened to her when she blubbered out a complaint as their siblings' mistreatment. 

But she couldn't do that either, now, so she clenched her jaw and retreated to the house. 

She tried at her violin for a bit, dragging her bow along the strings in an attempt to suppress the ringing in her ears. It made it worse, even after only seconds of doing so. She could only see Ben, sprawled out on her bed with book hovering over his nose. She could only see the indent of where his body lay in her mattress when nightmares plagued his sleep. She could only hear his praises, even as she denied them. She could only feel his hand cupping her own, tracing the hard ridge of her knuckles and feeling the callouses on her fingers. 

It was too much. Too much to bear, to handle, to survive through. Vanya was lonely.

But being lonely had never hurt this much before. 

Sighing and digging her nails into her palms until they bled, she stared out her window and at Ben's abandoned coffin, at the distant picture of his face framed in snow-silver. Every part of her wondered if it was some sick joke organised by Reginald to encourage them to work harder. She wondered if he was somewhere in the house, hiding.

But Vanya wasn't stupid. She was meek, shy, outspoken and quiet, but not stupid. She knew.

She knew he wasn't in the library.

She knew he hadn't run away like Five did, because if he had he'd take her with him. 

Vanya gritted her teeth as the tears started again, sliding down her face in fat blobs. She set down her violin and hurried out the door, bracing herself against the doorways when her knees buckled and threatened to give out. She stumbled down the stairs, past a startled Pogo and Grace who managed to express a syllable of concern before Vanya was too far away to hear. 

And then she was out, throwing herself over his coffin and gripping the sides of it desperately, shouting his name as the trees thrashed around her.

"Ben!" She sobbed. "Ben..."

She didn't care that everybody could probably hear her, hear the harsh cracks in her cries and the way her fists pounded his coffin. She didn't care that Reginald might be coming to ridicule her and force her into a heavier dose of medicine.

She'd be planning to do it before him, anyway.

She remembered him coming to her before missions when his uniform refused to co-operate or when he needed a break from everything and everyone else. She remembered imagining his lips and wondering what they'd feel like to kiss until she didn't have to wonder anymore.

She remembered him promising he'd come home to talk about it with a smile that had her glancing at the clock every second.

And then, she remembered the dread that had ambushed her when he didn't.

"What did I do?" She mumbled. "What did I do to deserve this?"

She touched the last of what she had of him, the picture that the snow threatened to consume. She swept at it desperately, cupping it, stroking it, polishing it with her tears until her body gave in. 

Vanya relived her last few moments, their last kiss and their last hug. The last time they talked. The last time he had saved her a donut from Griddy's when the others had gone out without her. 

"Ben..." 

He was right behind her. 

He was grabbing at her body, trying to pull her back into his hold to comfort her, wondering why she couldn't see or hear him when he already knew.

"Vanya, don't say that. Vanya, please. I'm right here. I'm right here. Klaus..."

His brother didn't know what he was supposed to say or do, so pathetically, more pathetically than he thought he could manage, he stood back and watched. 

A part of him was selfishly intrigued at the force of Vanya and Ben's connection. 

A part of him wanted to help, but he didn't know how or what to do with the diminishing limits of his powers cut short by the bottle of alcohol gripped tight in his right hand. 

So he watched, watched as Ben screamed and watched as Vanya continued to cry because she couldn't hear him. Watched as she slipped a pill into her mouth, then another and another until she collapsed into the snow, too stricken with shock to do anything to stop her. 

He delivered her to the hospital. He watched her for Ben. 

She was in the hospital for a week.

She tried again for more.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ao3 piece! I literally made this account just to add to this tag. Anyway, I do plan to write (hopefully happier) pieces on these two, but I just had to start with this one since it's been on my mind for a while.  
> I hope you enjoyed!


End file.
